The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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