walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
