well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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