he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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