you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
