Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
