But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
