So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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