this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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