Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
