I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
