my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
