i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
