So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
