Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
