How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
