No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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