yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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