He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
someone owes me an orgasm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
