OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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