i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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