Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
