We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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