I hate your face
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
