I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
