How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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