My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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