i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
