Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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