I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
this will be a night to untag.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
