i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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