Cold hands, warm shart.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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