Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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