"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
