That's intense
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
