About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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