If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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