Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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