the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
