Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
