I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
