If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
