My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
