Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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