Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
