Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So vagazzling was a success
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
