he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
