I wish they made helmets for livers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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