Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
