tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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