i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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