The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize