I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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