In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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