I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
