I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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