I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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