Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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