Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
