saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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