Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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