Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
