You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
time to smoke my breakfast
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
