I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
