He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
