She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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