i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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